We live in a world where people are often pulled apart by difficult situations. When the going gets tough we all have a tendency to retreat towards what we know best. For some this means finding a safe place, for others it means mentally withdrawing and for others still it means taking a step back from those around us. The common denominator is that many of us have a tendency to separate ourselves from the people, places and things that seem to be causing the trouble in our lives.
Earlier this year I told a group of people that I expected them to run towards me and not away from me if I was ever the source of conflict in their lives. I figured if we were willing to allow conflict to bring us closer together we might actually have a chance to resolve it. I was reminded of this thought by someone very close to me this weekend and I can say with certainty that it is true. Value the people that are close to you and trust them to be allies whenever you need to cope with something difficult.
The same thinking applies to the conflict itself. Don’t run from it, get as close to it as you can and find a way to get closer to the people around you because of it. Trust me when I say that this is true and that even the most significant fear can bring you closer to someone than ever before. The trick is to let the fear in. Don’t try and fight it, let it in, make friends with it and let it mean something. If we could all let the fears, conflicts and disputes in then maybe we’d have a chance to deal with the major issues of our time.
Who knows? This is just me thinking out loud, but you never know, there could be something to it.
One response to “Let the Fear In”
I hear what you are saying, but I have to say from experience that some people are just too unhealthy emotionally to resolve things with. I have a couple of people in my life who I have tried painfully to communicate my feelings to who just do not want to face conflict. So….what to do? I had to let them go. Right now we are no longer in contact.
As far as letting the fear of conflict in, I have only been able to do this with a few people: my husband and kids and a couple of friends. And I had lots of fear for most of my life because of many issues. But my husband and friends had to show themselves to be trustworthy people which they did. So now I never unload my past or all the stuff I’ve been through too quickly in a new relationship. I go super slow! I figure if the person really wants a trustworthy friend which I can be, they will be patient with me. If not, it usually is a very casual relationship. And that’s okay, too. I enjoyed reading your thoughts on this!